As a divorce looms, a paternal parent may automatically assume that he will be awarded equal custody rights. After all, the father has been engaged with the children in an active and caring way. He has participated in everything from diaper changes to school plays.
However, parents are now adversaries under the law, and the battle for child custody can become bewildering and nasty. This is no time to lower your guard and assume the courts will take note of past parenting. Here are some proactive things fathers should realize before they walk into a courtroom.
1. “Establish specific goals for your custody battle and make them clear in your mind and on paper,” said Hipskind & McAninch. Make sure your scheduled visitation or joint custody is fair to you and the child. Draw up a calendar grid indicating what both parents propose and present it to your lawyer.
2. Find a lawyer experienced in family law who understands a father’s desire to participate actively in a child’s life. Some lawyers do not recognize this right as yet, assuming that the historical favoring of a mother’s wishes is best for the child. Do some shopping. Consult with a number of attorneys to observe their tactics and especially how a lawyer might address your primary goals. Push for a lawyer who understands your point of view and the concrete goals you present. Do not accept an unfavorable arrangement because of trial threats. Make it clear that you will go to trial if necessary.
3. Never discuss child support in conversations about custody. The implied assumption will be that you wish more time with the child to avoid large custody bills. States like New York will demand support from the parent with the largest earnings, even if custody is decided as 50-50. The issues of custody and child support should remain separate.
4. Fight hard for as much time as possible with the child right out of the starting gate. Like any deal, you will need to ask for time over the top of what you will probably settle upon. Make the court aware that you understand your child’s care and needs, as well as his school or home routines. Indicate that your custody calendar is workable and fair and in your child’s best interests.
5. Remember that all married parents of minor children enjoy joint custody rights. Both of you are entitled to equal rights to your children.
6. You and your spouse are now legal adversaries. Disparaging one another through texts and social media or before lawyers will not promote your case. All correspondence between legal adversaries needs to be through respective lawyers.
